getting stuff together

From: ef (
Date: Mon Dec 11 2000 - 09:43:14 PST

called them last night... the lawyer was there in the afternoon,
picked up all the documents from everyone... which is good on two
counts: 1. that he took it on and took on all the families as one, 2.
that i finally got the families convinced that that is the best way,
that that is the only strength they have.

the lawyer is coming back there again this afternoon to talk to them.
the hearing is on wednesday, i probably mentioned this a buncha times
by now, huh.

i will call them on thursday, from hungary. of course they won't know
that... i want my arrival to be a surprise for the children. they so
need some good surprises. and i will arrive with not only the
clothing i have collected here, but i will arrive with toys! i am
going shopping for toys in budapest... and fuck, i will wrap them in
nice x-mas paper and bows and everything!

when i called i asked for iren, but got her husband jozsi instead. he
said iren was taken to the hospital again, her heart. jozsi was
working in hungary and just arrived back. i explained to him that
probably the best we can hope for is an extention of the eviction
order. he says he understands.

gawd... i'm kinda panicking. i can imagine how they feel. poor iren,
she was convinced they couldn't do this. i am so grateful that we at
least managed to get them a lawyer.

but i am still trying to figure out what to do when the worst
arrives... as it will. the best i have been able to come up with is
the little house for gyula bacsi... where mihaly's family could also
live. and of course, that doesn't help everyone. that leaves four
families with nowhere to go. well, maybe i can figure something out
once i get there.

i need to essentially inspire them to act together... no more mihaly
and melinda guarding me to them jealously. it is understandable that
they would, they are the worst off... har, degrees of dire poverty,
how obscene... but if gyula bacsi is to be in charge, then everyone
must agree that that is the best way. he, after all, is the
patriarch. that's what i am thinking... a bit of organization... they
must organize themselves. but i am not going to change my
interactions as far as the children are concerned... tho that is the
hardest of all, to keep that up... it is so very depressing... i am
always afraid that if i give the children something mihaly will take
it from them and sell it. he has done that before. so i have to keep
pressing for education, somehow. but short of me moving there and
opening a school... which is impossible, i cannot think of what to
do. fuck. well, maybe i'll think of something... once i get there.

so i have to keep in mind... always... that poverty is an ugly
teacher, and that things happen to people, ugly ways of thinking...
from desperation,from no-hope, from wounded dignity. i have to keep
that in mind. i think of jy's stories at those times. they are good
compassion lessons... ironically, huh.

me, i was lucky. we too were poor, i suppose, working class poor. and
we too had tragedies. but we had pride. and a belief in education.
and i have a good brain and i had a strong father with a soft heart.
and that allows me to consciously attempt to refute the legacy of
fear and hatred (oh so understandable) i inherited from my mother.

oke, enough sentimental crap :-). onward with what needs to be done.


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