Re: pro europa

From: ef (
Date: Tue Feb 06 2001 - 15:00:06 PST

>I see, you're asking whether we fishbreath writers should ask you to voluntarily
>censor your writing here since what you write might be boring to somebody or
>unrelated to our own personal problems.

well... i just thought i might be getting obsessive or something...
loony, ya know... i mean, how would *i* be able to tell

i do ask myself questions about it all... i seems to have impacted my
life somehow, in that i seem to do little else... or think about
little else. or these days, write about little else. here.

i went for a walk with a pal of mine, david, photographer, lives next
door. we went dogdraining, to the park. he said, so how come you
don't take pictures, you know, the art kind, and have them published,
stuff like that. he said that cause i was decrying my recent state of
utter brokeness. and i said i cannot do that, really. cause i cannot
put a camera between me and these people. i am too close for that, i
am not really "visitor from far off richplace" anymore, more like
weird familyfriend, kinda close. they are not objects to me, it would
feel like exploitation. it breaks moments, intimacy, subjectivity, i
guess, to do that. i would feel guilty.

but i am able to write about it all, oddly enough. could it be
because the writing is after the event. it breaks nothing. and i only
feel a little bit of guilt, that i may be exploiting the experience
but not the people... something like that. and really, not for gain,
only expression. a benignly vampiric thing, no kill.

so... maybe i just said that cause of that little bit of
guiltfeeling. maybe i thought you guys had also questioned my
sanity/motives... as much as i have/am.

you know what i mean, steve? when one obsessively transforms
experience into art, subject into object? i know i am a bit rambling
here, but i think about it.

david doesn't do that. he travelled a lot in africa and lived in a
small village. took many beautiful pictures of poverty. he also took
many beautiful pictures of drunks here. he is a good photographer.
and he sells the prints, books, whatever. he feels no guilt about
that. he came and went, is all. i guess, me, i can never comeandgo.

>Uh, does that restriction also apply to the rest of us?

there is no restriction... heh, you know that. maybe i was being
manipulative by asking. i guess i needed a dialogue. because of them
questions that always popup. am i guilty of exploitation by making
art out of everything? even if no one sees the stuff? do i only *do*
things in order to make art? do i only do things in order to *make*
myself do art?

>Maybe we already feel that way ourselves. That's why it's so quiet.

nah... lazy, is all. and maybe a bit complacent. or busy, for now.
people say things when they have something to say, it's always been
like that, around here. part of its ah, charm. :-)

>Can we get over that?

always have before.


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