letter to zoli

From: ef (ef@somewhere.net)
Date: Tue May 08 2001 - 12:25:05 PDT

>hat tenyleg nem gondoltam volna hogy te odaig messz hogy meg a
>baratsagunkat is kepes vagy felredobni egy incidensert. mert igaz, en
>annak tartom. nem hioszem, hogy miutan annyit beszelunk egymassal te meg
>mindig nem az oszkepet nezed hanem egy incidenst. ha pedig neked az
>osskep azt mutatja hogy en egy rasszista es nacionalista hulye gyerek
>vagyok, yenyleg nem tudom mivel szolgaltam re erre a velemenyre :(

i never said you were a racist and nationalist idiot. please do not
misunderstand me. what i said is that we all carry the seeds of such
within... and such seeds are what gives rise to the more odious
elements of humanity, which your culture exhibits so very

here. it is somewhat easier to fight such behaviour, be that without
or within oneself. where you live, it is far harder, for many
reasons. economic, cultural, psychological.

contrary to various religious idealizings, no one is a perfect human
specimen, not i, certainly, nor you, definitely. we are human, and
thus, fallible. in fact, our fallibility is our charm, life would be
quite dull. there would be no creativity without it.

the only difference between you and i, (well, at least as far as this
particular issue is concerned, haha), is that i am quite honest with
myself and you are not. therefore i have a bit of control *even when
i am angry or frustrated*... and you do not. this is not to say that
i do not get irrationally pissed off, nor that i never make a fool of
myself. it only means that i am able to reconsider and perhaps affect
the worst of what is inherent in my character. what it means, zoli,
is that i am, above all, honest. no matter how painful such
introspection may be at times. not to mention, humiliating.

i am sorry, but if you keep denying what you feel - and indeed what
may be a natural impulse given your environment - you are merely
lying to yourself... and nothing will change. that is, you will not
change; and if you do not, neither will your environment.

therefore, it is indeed imperative, for your sake as well as mine,
that you learn to understand yourself.

you purport yourself to be intelligent; so think. consider first the
motivating factors and then the implications of the scummiest of
human impulses. which all humans share, zoli, no exceptions. and
then write me an essay of a 1000 words.

i am both older and smarter than you. all too often, you are
impulsive and unwise. this is serious; and this is something you need
to do, and learn. and learning is something one should do throughout
ones lifetime, otherwise one merely repeats already entrenched,
destructive patterns. there are no miracles, no matter how attractive
the fantasy of such appear. there is, however, free will, and
rational consideration. the best of the human condition mitigates the


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