Re: letter to zoli

From: ef (
Date: Wed May 09 2001 - 01:51:53 PDT

>What was that a response to?

two weeks ago, i was talking to him on irc. it was 10pm here, 8am
there, he was just about to finish work, had been working all night.
at that time he and eva had been evicted from their place, and eva
and the baby had gone back to her parents to stay. zoli was sleeping
on the floor of at a co-worker's place while he attempted to find
another appartment with the $60 i managed to scrounge for him. it was
proving difficult. he was very frustrated and bitter.

anyways, so we were talking, about that, and other stuff. all of a
sudden, he kinda freaked out and started making, what he considered,
jokes. except they were vile, vile racist allusions. and when i
started to get upset about them, he got more and more defensive, the
jokes got worse. when i tried to explain why jokes of that kind were
unacceptable for me, he refused to listen.

so i got pissed off and left. didn't go back, either. racism is an
issue i am very serious about. and as he refused to consider his
behavior i felt that there was no way to continue being his friend,
knowing full well how important that friendship was for him. i made
a choice to dissappear from his life. since zoli is an intelligent
kid, i allowed myself a faint hope that he would learn from my
absence. if not, i would just be gone, period.

so that's what happened. i guess i was lucky, cause he came through.
he was silent for weeks, but now has emailed me about 5 times,
yesterday and today. kinda begging me to come back, that sort of
stuff... with "i was only joking, i am not a racist, why can't you
understand", that kinda stuff.

now we are negotiating. i know what i want from him, and i put it
into language that i know impresses him, not my usual
fuck-with-languageisms, huh. nice big words as befits a... teacher. i
have to get him to do this, to think about this, it is very important.

there. now ya know :-). i was actually more than pissed off, i was
hurt. racism, ignorant racism is painful for me. i was even a bit
embarrassed, embarrassed that i had trusted a person so obviously
flawed. i didn't tell anyone. i didn't even write it up, here. i left
it out of the story.

so now he has to do it. he's gotta write me that essay of a 1000 words.


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