the thing is, when i engage, it goes straight into my subconscience. last night, and the night before last i dreamt, aching dreams which woke me up with a headache the kind i get from gritting my teeth at night from chomping my jaw tight holding in some nebulous fear of failure. i dreamt that elizabeth and me were running something, running is all we did, and me keeping my jaw tightly clenched, we ran after children in a strange place. i didn't know the language the people were scattered and the ground seemed covered with grease, the kind that builds up on the floor of a mechanics shop. we were trying to help them, kids, but they were children and slippery and as we gave something to one, another popped up, when we tried to follow another she disappeared, we ran after them saying things like you say to horses you are trying to catch, when they are scared of being caught but you need to fix their cuts, get them out to a greener pasture.