Date: Tue, 8 May 2001 11:25:05 -0800
Subject: letter to zoli
hat tenyleg nem gondoltam volna hogy te odaig messz hogy meg a baratsagunkat is kepes vagy felredobni egy incidensert. mert igaz, en annak tartom. nem hioszem, hogy miutan annyit beszelunk egymassal te meg mindig nem az oszkepet nezed hanem egy incidenst. ha pedig neked az osskep azt mutatja hogy en egy rasszista es nacionalista hulye gyerek vagyok, yenyleg nem tudom mivel szolgaltam re erre a velemenyre :(
i never said you were a racist and nationalist idiot. please do not misunderstand me. what i said is that we all carry the seeds of such within... and such seeds are what gives rise to the more odious elements of humanity, which your culture exhibits so very instructively.
here. it is somewhat easier to fight such behaviour, be that without or within oneself. where you live, it is far harder, for many reasons. economic, cultural, psychological.
contrary to various religious idealizings, no one is a perfect human specimen, not i, certainly, nor you, definitely. we are human, and thus, fallible. in fact, our fallibility is our charm, life would be quite dull. there would be no creativity without it.
the only difference between you and i, (well, at least as far as this particular issue is concerned, haha), is that i am quite honest with myself and you are not. therefore i have a bit of control *even when i am angry or frustrated*... and you do not. this is not to say that i do not get irrationally pissed off, nor that i never make a fool of myself. it only means that i am able to reconsider and perhaps affect the worst of what is inherent in my character. what it means, zoli, is that i am, above all, honest. no matter how painful such introspection may be at times. not to mention, humiliating.
i am sorry, but if you keep denying what you feel - and indeed what may be a natural impulse given your environment - you are merely lying to yourself... and nothing will change. that is, you will not change; and if you do not, neither will your environment.
therefore, it is indeed imperative, for your sake as well as mine, that you learn to understand yourself.
you purport yourself to be intelligent; so think. consider first the motivating factors and then the implications of the scummiest of human impulses. which all humans share, zoli, no exceptions. and then write me an essay of a 1000 words.
i am both older and smarter than you. all too often, you are impulsive and unwise. this is serious; and this is something you need to do, and learn. and learning is something one should do throughout ones lifetime, otherwise one merely repeats already entrenched, destructive patterns. there are no miracles, no matter how attractive the fantasy of such appear. there is, however, free will, and rational consideration. the best of the human condition mitigates the worst.
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