Date: Wed, 9 May 2001 00:51:53 -0800
From: ef
Subject: Re: letter to zoli


karry wrote:

What was that a response to?


two weeks ago, i was talking to him on irc. it was 10pm here, 8am there, he was just about to finish work, had been working all night. at that time he and eva had been evicted from their place, and eva and the baby had gone back to her parents to stay. zoli was sleeping on the floor of at a co-worker's place while he attempted to find another appartment with the $60 i managed to scrounge for him. it was proving difficult. he was very frustrated and bitter.

anyways, so we were talking, about that, and other stuff. all of a sudden, he kinda freaked out and started making, what he considered, jokes. except they were vile, vile racist allusions. and when i started to get upset about them, he got more and more defensive, the jokes got worse. when i tried to explain why jokes of that kind were unacceptable for me, he refused to listen.

so i got pissed off and left. didn't go back, either. racism is an issue i am very serious about. and as he refused to consider his behavior i felt that there was no way to continue being his friend, knowing full well how important that friendship was for him. i made a choice to dissappear from his life. since zoli is an intelligent kid, i allowed myself a faint hope that he would learn from my absence. if not, i would just be gone, period.

so that's what happened. i guess i was lucky, cause he came through. he was silent for weeks, but now has emailed me about 5 times, yesterday and today. kinda begging me to come back, that sort of stuff... with "i was only joking, i am not a racist, why can't you understand", that kinda stuff.

now we are negotiating. i know what i want from him, and i put it into language that i know impresses him, not my usual fuck-with-languageisms, huh. nice big words as befits a... teacher. i have to get him to do this, to think about this, it is very important.

there. now ya know :-). i was actually more than pissed off, i was hurt. racism, ignorant racism is painful for me. i was even a bit embarrassed, embarrassed that i had trusted a person so obviously flawed. i didn't tell anyone. i didn't even write it up, here. i left it out of the story.

so now he has to do it. he's gotta write me that essay of a 1000 words.